Brown Sugar

For most of my life, my mom kept the brown sugar in a gold Tupperware container with a sun emblem on the side of it. When she moved away a few years ago, I assumed she took it with her and was irrationally annoyed to see it at my sister’s house not too long after.

“WHERE DID YOU GET THAT??”

“Mom gave it to me?” She definitely said it hesitantly, and it came out more like a question than a statement.

Some furious text messages were sent to confirm that our mom willingly parted with it. For some irrational reason, I always assumed that I would be the benefactor of her retro Tupperware container. I had, after all, been the one who cooked and baked by her side for over three decades.

I thought about taking it. I think everyone assumed that I would, that one day it would end up in my baking cupboard.

The pandemic has prevented me from visiting either of them since 2019, but a few weeks ago my mom announced that she’s selling Tupperware and asked if I wanted to see the catalog. I jokingly asked if they had the same container available.

It became a fixation and I scoured the internet for it until I found one on Etsy. Without hesitation, I shelled out $50 and bought it for myself. I told both my mom and my sister about my find, and we all had a good laugh.

And then it arrived, and I felt a wave of love and affection, a void I didn’t know I had was filled with the warmth of nostalgia. I asked my mom if she regretted giving her container away, and it saddened me to hear that she did.

I think it was as much a part of her as it was for us. I know that I don’t have forever with her, and there is no guarantee of how much time I’ll have left with her, but I do know that I am terrified of losing her. I keep trying to find ways to tie her to me through tattoos and tangible items, and I know it is never going to be enough.

That being said, I did what any slightly-less-than-sane person would do and scoured the internet for a third vintage Tupperware container. It’s amusing to me that the most precious gift I’m giving my mom is a 40-year-old piece of Tupperware.

Anyway, Happy Mother’s Day, mom. I love you.

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