I should be doing homework and studying for my midterm, but all I can think about is you. I miss you. I’ve thought about you a lot lately. I derailed on Bell’s Let’s Talk Day. I almost couldn’t read people’s words about how they struggled, because you couldn’t champion those demons. Things were so rapid and complicated for you; you didn’t even get the chance to realize what was happening.

I see your face in the crowds. My heart misfires and then I remember that you’re not here any more. That moment when reality hits is always a quiet one.

I saw The Killers in Las Vegas, it was a warm night and they played When You Were Young and I felt your presence. I fought a lump in my throat through the whole song. I could hear your voice in my head singing so loud and so clear, my skin felt prickly. Were you watching me in that space and time?

A year and two days ago you walked away from a place of fear and darkness and went home to God. I wouldn’t find out for another three days because it took that long to positively identify you. I remember the moment so vividly when I got the call and the moments that followed. What makes me so sad is that I can’t clearly remember the last time that I saw you, and I know it had been a long time.

I miss you.