I hope you sing so hard and loud that you lose your voice tonight. I hope you dance until you’re too tired to think. I hope you cry if you need to. I hope you find the love you’re seeking, and you heal from the things no one is going to apologize for. I hope you see that your spirit is strong, that you’ve survived all the crappy days that brought you here, and that you celebrate the victories no matter how small. You mean the world to someone. It might be a friend, a parent, a spouse, a sibling, or maybe some random from Instagram who can’t wait to see your content and looks for you every day. I hope you go through your things and find friendship bracelets and love letters and smile at the place those people have occupied in your heart. I hope you read poetry that moves you to tears and compels you to write your own. I hope you jump in that puddle one day and make a mess of your clothes, just because you can. I hope you stop for ice cream. I hope you never stop wishing on stars, and if you don’t, I hope you start. I hope you help someone cross the street or pick up something someone has dropped. I hope you ride a bike and appreciate the wind in your hair and stop to smell the flowers. I hope you buy yourself flowers, you’re worth it. I hope you extend the kindness you give to others to yourself, too. I hope that when you are reminded of people you’ve lost, that it’s with the thought, “They would have loved this.” I hope you find the courage to take the next step. I hope you carry yourself with the knowledge that you are made of stardust, and that you are enough. You are enough, you are more than enough. I hope you grow old and happy, and appreciate your wrinkled skin and say thank you to your body for all the amazing things it did for you. I hope you wake up tomorrow, glad to be alive, ready to live this life for yourself, knowing that wherever you are is exactly where you are supposed to be.
The last six months have been rough… that’s a gross understatement, but we mustn’t dwell… no, not today…
…but back in February I spent some time in the ER with severe abdominal pains, and was told that it’s probably appendicitis, and then they couldn’t find my appendix during the ultrasound to verify and my symptoms weren’t severe enough to perform a CT scan. However, they did find e-coli so they treated that and sent me home, but it’s still probably appendicitis. They didn’t give me any fun drugs (JERKS) because they want me to
suffer be able to feel if something changes. I mean, COME ON! Would I really not be able to feel it? I basically laid on the couch for five days with a heating pad and avoided all pants that didn’t come with a drawstring.
But here I am, a month later, going through the same thing. Again. And I’m feeling kind of bummed, to be honest. I CAN’T WEAR PANTS, MY FRIENDS. As it is, my tights are rolled somewhere around my bum and I’m hoping that it doesn’t look stupid under my dress. Even if it does, there’s not much I can do about it because technically it’s still winter and I need to wear something on my legs for warmth. And whatever cleavage I had disappeared last week, so I don’t even need to wear a bra anymore. *cries*
So for the moment, I’m going to write about the things I am grateful for, and not in a sarcastic way, either. So here it goes:
I’m grateful for the weirdness of cats. They’re all little lions that think they own the world. They do own the world, the internet is proof.
I’m grateful for my family. I’m blessed with loving parents and a wonderful sister, and a husband who accepts all of us as we are and loves us just the same.
I’m grateful for the budding cherry blossoms and the flowers and the birds that sing in the trees.
I’m grateful for longer days and brighter afternoons.
I’m grateful for morning coffee, and that the last time I bought my favourite coffee it was on sale so I bought 7 lbs without flinching.
I’m grateful for potatoes and their ability to be turned into stamps.You were once a tuber and now you are a craft item. That’s magic, right there.
I’m grateful for hot baths and lavender soap.
I’m grateful for music and the way it transports me to a different time and place with each song.
I’m grateful for Rex Manning Day and that I have friends who willingly celebrate it.
I’m grateful for trying new things like reflexology and it not being what I thought it was at all.
I’m grateful for recipes and the pleasure that comes from cooking my own food.
I’m grateful for weird, offbeat movies.
I’m grateful for the ability to style almost any item of clothing, and the feeling of accomplishment when I pick up something particularly hideous and turn into a great outfit. It pisses my sister off, but I know this is a skill that she’ll master in her own time.
I’m grateful for spicy tuna rolls. Of course I am.
I’m grateful for the stars and the planets, and the galaxies far, far away.
I’m grateful for sundresses and floppy hats and sunglasses.
I’m grateful for bees. I’m not grateful for hornets and wasps, they are assholes. Sorry for being negative there, but it needed to be said.
I’m grateful for online booking forms.
I’m grateful for phone calls and random I love you’s/I miss you’s from friends.
I’m grateful for postcards and letters.
I’m grateful for playlists and mixed CDs and those old mixed tapes that I swear I’m going to listen to again one day.
I’m grateful for slipper boots and thick socks and onesies.
I’m grateful for Jeopardy and The Price is Right.
I’m grateful that I’ve managed to keep several plants alive and grow a successful vegetable garden twice.
I’m grateful for the ability to make friends everywhere I go, even if it’s a cat.
I’m grateful for puns and that I laugh at my own jokes.
I’m grateful for karaoke and singalongs.
I’m grateful for all the feminists, we’re changing the world and making it a better, safer, and fairer place every day for everyone.
I’m grateful for the wonderfully strange articles that my friends send me like sushi burritos, clips of cephalopods, and everything space related.
I’m grateful for hot chocolate.
I’m grateful for my beautiful book nook and the fluffy white blanket that lives in it.
I’m grateful for forgotten bags of candy that I find in my purse from time to time.
I’m grateful for the space heater under my desk.
And yeah. Things will get better, I’m sure of it. They always do. Leaving you with one of my favourites, Lovers’ Carvings
Much love and thanks for reading,