I spend too much money and I’m unhappy about it

I have a shopping and money spending addiction. There, I said it. This is a dark spot in my life, and things tend to get out of control very quickly.

Am I going to remember the good times I had using a new makeup primer? No. The one I bought two months ago is fine, and there is a lot of it left.

Oh but I read about double cleansing and I’d like to try that! Cool, but I already have all the stuff I need to try double cleansing, there is no need to buy new products to try a different technique.

In late 2016 I recognized that my makeup purchasing was out of control, so I challenged myself not to buy any more until 2018 unless I ran out of a specific item. I’ve run out of concealer a couple of times, and I did buy two tubes of lipstick after receiving two new lipsticks that I got for my birthday after loving the wear and formula. But I recognize that the joy of four new lipsticks was short-lived. Not too bad, right? Two tubes of lipstick aren’t going to ruin me.

However, I essentially replaced my makeup buying addiction with a skincare buying addiction. I hate myself a little bit. I need to unsubscribe and unfollow all the beauty accounts that I have on social media. Yesterday I found myself on the Kiehl’s website and almost had to slap my hand from buying skincare that I don’t need. Rochele, we have an agreement. When things run out, you can try something new.

This happens with everything in my life. I get excited about something and I go crazy. If you didn’t know, I also sew. Lately I’ve been sewing kimonos, and I went a little nuts ordering fabric and I have enough to make 13 kimonos. I don’t have time to make 13 kimonos. Ugh, I hate myself.

As of right now, I’m expecting a new bike helmet, and two new pairs of glasses (damn you, BOGO.) That’s not terrible except in the last month I’ve bought two new pairs of sandals, a bag, two pairs of sunglasses, three blouses, four pairs of work pants, a pair of flats, a car, dishes, and a couch. Okay, the last three were household purchases and I don’t know if they count, and some of the clothes were for job interviews I went to, and I had a birthday in there and received quite a bit of money. Some of that was okay, but I definitely didn’t need to buy all of it.

I tell myself that I can’t afford a membership for barre classes, but I drop $150 without blinking. I tell myself that I can’t afford to go on a trip, but I have Rouge status at Sephora. I tell myself that it’s okay to buy that necklace because it’s only $65 and I didn’t spend money yesterday. I justify spending money on things because all the bills get paid and I contribute to RRSP’s, TFSA’s, and my spouse and I own a home and there is money left over every month. I am very much a quality over quantity person, but I am still guilty of falling for new things.

Despite attempts to control myself and set limits, I can’t seem to live within them. My spending habits have come under scrutiny many, many times and I have faced harsh judgment. I love makeup, perfume, clothing, and shoes. Yes, I have a lot of it. Yes, I want more. I have a job where I am expected to look my best, and I like to look my best in my private life, too. Although it is NOBODY’S BUSINESS, I am sharing this with the world so that I might be more accountable and begin to restructure my life to be a healthier and happier version of me.

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all the fucks

Alex: http://hrostoski.com/2014/10/fuck-you-spiritual-people/
Renee sent this to me today. You might enjoy it as well
Sent at 2:57 PM on Thursday

Lizzy: ah wonderful
Sent at 3:00 PM on Thursday

Lizzy: writing out all my fucks

Alex: RIGHT?! I’ve been so busy at work today, that I haven’t had time. Now, I’m just too lazy.
FUCK full time jobs that get crazy hectic, but are absolutely pointless to my life.
Sent at 3:02 PM on Thursday

Lizzy: FUCK shoulder and neck pain
FUCK not having enough money to do what I want
FUCK my shitty job that I hate

Alex: FUCK my ankle, and stretched ligaments
FUCK anxiety of walking or moving faster than a snail
FUCK Whole Foods and their ridiculous prices for food that always tastes better than the lunch I packed
FUCK never having enough money for all the things I want to do.
Sent at 3:06 PM on Thursday

Lizzy: FUCK holiday logistics and entitled people
FUCK food for tasting so good
FUCK past mistakes
FUCK belly fat
Fuck short arms
FUCK people who play games
FUCK filing
Sent at 3:08 PM on Thursday

Alex: FUCK belly fat.
FUCK eating bad for one day, and feeling it in my thighs the next day.
FUCK hormones
FUCK boob pain
FUCK assholes who think with their penis
FUCK my big heart and how it loves JUST WAY TOO GOD DAMN MUCH sometimes – seriously.
FUCK phone calls ALL GOD DAMN DAY.
FUCK working for a living

Lizzy: FUCK working for a living
FUCK trying to stay current in fashion and trends
FUCK bad sex
Sent at 3:11 PM on Thursday

Alex: FUCK sex you thought was going to be so good, and was a fucking let down.
FUCK friends with benefits who suck at their one role in your life.
FUCK cocky people who talk a big game and don’t deliver EVER.

Lizzy: FUCK guys who kiss and tell
FUCK people who gossip
FUCK people who base their life on material goods

Alex: FUCK people who base their life on material goods

Lizzy: FUCK my condo that needs so much FUCKING WORK I don’t know how I’m ever going to sell it and make a FUCKING PROFIT

Alex: FUCK people who can’t hold a conversation

Lizzy: FUCK people who can’t hold a conversation
Sent at 3:15 PM on Thursday

Lizzy: FUCK the medical system that pays for Viagra because it’s okay for men to have recreational sex but a medical system that doesn’t pay for birth control for women

Alex: FUCK the medical system that pays for Viagra because it’s okay for men to have recreational sex but a medical system that doesn’t pay for birth control for women – DITTO
FUCK birth control being so damn expensive

Lizzy: FUCK all the GODDAMN LAUNDRY I have to fold and put away that NEVER FUCKING ENDS

Alex: FUCK women having to take all the responsibility

Lizzy: FUCK antiquated views of women who enjoy sex

Alex: FUCK having to eat healthy all the time when all I want to do is eat potato chips and never gain a single pound
FUCK girls who can eat shit all the time and never gain a single pound

Lizzy: FUCK having to eat healthy all the time when all I want to do is eat potato chips and never gain a single pound

Alex: FUCK men who fucking fill their guts with the most disgusting food – AND NEVER GAIN A SINGLE POUND

Lizzy: FUCK portion control and staying away from bread and pasta
FUCK alcohol for giving me wicked hangovers
FUCK anxiety for keeping me in the shadows
FUCK being afraid of the dark
FUCK thinking I’m fat or that I need to change anything about my physical appearance

Alex: FUCK being afraid of the dark
FUCK thinking I’m fat
FUCK thinking I’m not good enough because I’m not a size zero

Lizzy: FUCK thinking I’m not good enough because I don’t have a degree

Alex: FUCK cat calls
FUCK feeling ashamed for wearing the shortest Lululemon shorts at the gym today that I spent $60
FUCK Lululemon for charging $60 for shorts that barely cover your ass
FUCK feeling like I don’t deserve things because I don’t have a degree
FUCK school for costing so much money
FUCK Student loans for NEVER going away

Lizzy: FUCK barrister fees that mean FUCK ALL because whoever has the most money wins anyway
FUCK rent, student loans, credit cards and any other money I owe
FUCK my car for being FUCKING TURQUOISE AND ANCIENT AS SHIT
Sent at 3:27 PM on Thursday

Lizzy: FUCK people for patronizing my relationship and its struggles
FUCK work clothes for being so fucking uncomfortable

Alex: FUCK all the money I owe
FUCK parking tickets – especially the ones that were not worth it
FUCK having to wear clothes at all

Lizzy: FUCK Photoshop for being the standard
FUCK Kim Kardashian and Kanye West for being so fucking fake and diluting art, music, and culture
FUCK art for being so expensive
Sent at 3:31 PM on Thursday

Alex: FUCK people who worship celebrities
FUCK not being paid to be a writer
FUCK people who think that writing doesn’t qualify as a profession
FUCK this city for being so damn expensive
Sent at 3:32 PM on Thursday

Lizzy: FUCK JOVAN PEDERSON FOR EVER ENTERING MY LIFE, WHAT A CREEP

Alex: OMG. yes.
FUCK DAVE… and the fact that I have to see him at the gym. And the for being so good looking and infiltrating my mind all damn day
FUCK the “one who got away” and will never come back
FUCK KYLE, for being an immature 40 year old

Lizzy: FUCK Chase for telling everyone we had sex when we were 13 because he was a DOUCHETARD who got mad when I wouldn’t have sex with him
FUCK Josh for asking ME out and then dumping ME for my best friend Donna two days later and FUCK Donna for ruining our friendship over a lousy guy
Maybe FUCK me for that one, too. Donna was nice
FUCK Brian’s family for giving shitty Christmas gifts

Alex: FUCK myself for making bad decisions more than I make good ones most of the time
FUCK losing my virginity to someone who totally didn’t deserve it

Lizzy: FUCK my family for inferring that I’m selfish for wanting to donate money to people who actually need it instead of buying each other shitty Christmas gifts
FUCK fucking people who totally weren’t worth it
FUCK Jason Davis

Alex: FUCK both of those things
FUCK feeling ashamed for having an increasingly large “people I’ve fucked” list.
Hahaha… what did Jason do now?!

Lizzy: told me he’s hanging out with you next week to make me jealous. Which it did.
FUCK jealousy

Alex: OH. WHAT A TURD
FUCK JEALOUSY
Sent at 3:40 PM on Thursday

Alex: FUCK regret
FUCK time machines NOT existing