I live with all my fault zones

Heyyyyy Alaska had a 7.9/8.2 (depends who you ask) magnitude earthquake earlier this week and it set off my anxiety because GUESS WHAT? I LIVE IN A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE ZONE AND WE’RE OVERDUE FOR A MASSIVE SHAKEDOWN.

I have emergency bags at home, and I used to be pretty smug about that and thought I was ready! I’m adorable, in case you didn’t know. I knew the food probably needed to be replaced and I needed provisions for my cats, but when I opened the bag I got a major dose of reality: I am nowhere near ready for this. Aside from camping cutlery, some rudimentary first aid supplies, and four years already expired food, there was not much else in that bag that was going to save us.

My poor brain went into overdrive and I started doing what I do best: making lists and meal planning for the apocalypse. Look, I don’t know where I’m going to be when all of this goes down, but I don’t want to have to rely on what will already be an overburdened system. I’d prefer to be self-sufficient so that people who actually need help, such as the elderly, are getting it instead of assholes who couldn’t be bothered to put together an emergency kit. I don’t want to be an asshole if I can avoid it. Okay, I’m an asshole on a regular basis, but I don’t want to be one during a crisis.

I decided that there should be an emergency bag in each of our cars and two at home, each with enough supplies to sustain two people for three days. The bags at home will also have provisions for our cats, because I never, ever want to be in a position where I can’t care for them.

So lists were made.

Whatever is in italics I’ve already taken care of.


  • Reflective collars and ID tags 
  • Harnesses and leashes
  • Small cans of cat food that can be opened without a can opener
  • Dry cat food
  • Collapsible food and water dishes
  • Cat treats
  • A few toys

Food, three meals plus snacks and beverages:

  • Dehydrated soups with beans and lentils
  • Vacuum sealed, ready to eat pastas
  • Instant oatmeal
  • Dried fruit
  • Trail mix
  • Chocolate bars
  • Cliff bars
  • Instant coffee because having a caffeine headache during a crisis would definitely turn me into an asshole
  • Vodka
  • Pot, although it is technically not food
  • 4 litre jugs of water
  • Electrolyte tablets

First Aid:

  • Latex gloves
  • Dust masks
  • Bandages of various sizes
  • Butterfly bandages
  • Gauze
  • Medical tape
  • Pain relievers (maybe pot should go in the first aid kit, too)
  • Ativan
  • Hand sanitizer
  • Ointment
  • And then I just said fuck it and bought four small first aid kits in addition to what I have above


  • Backpacks
  • Single burner camping stoves and fuel
  • Lighters
  • Solar blankets
  • Whistles
  • Candles
  • Wind up flashlights
  • Radios with extra batteries
  • Fleece blankets
  • Nesting cups
  • Nesting bowls
  • Sporks
  • Small kettles/pots with lids
  • Dish soap
  • Bleach
  • Dish cloths
  • Note books
  • Sharpie markers
  • Folding knives
  • Extra large ziploc bags
  • Toilet paper


  • Base layers
  • Wool socks
  • Toque
  • Gloves
  • Runners
  • Underwear
  • Rain ponchos

To do:

  • Decide on rendez-vous points both from home and from work
  • Find the emergency shelters near home and work, just in case
  • Plan routes to those points that account for disaster response routes which will be closed to peasants like you and me
  • Make maps for those points and include emergency contacts and have them laminated
  • If at home, close the natural gas line
  • Make copies of ID’s and medical cards and medical insurance

So I’m about halfway there. I really hope I never have to experience a major earthquake that would make these kits necessary, and I’d be lying if I didn’t consider hunting down cyanide tablets to put in my kits so I don’t have to witness the collapse of humanity in the lower mainland.

This is your responsibility, too. You need to do this. Yes you do. LOOTING IS NOT AN EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS STRATEGY. Not sure how do to this shit? Here’s a good resource https://www.getprepared.gc.ca/cnt/rsrcs/pblctns/yprprdnssgd/yprprdnssgd-eng.pdf 

Alright. If something should happen, please know that I loved you all along and you were right. Doesn’t matter what it was, you were right and you can have that as a victory. Peace be with you.