I should be doing homework and studying for my midterm, but all I can think about is you. I miss you. I’ve thought about you a lot lately. I derailed on Bell’s Let’s Talk Day. I almost couldn’t read people’s words about how they struggled, because you couldn’t champion those demons. Things were so rapid and complicated for you; you didn’t even get the chance to realize what was happening.
I see your face in the crowds. My heart misfires and then I remember that you’re not here any more. That moment when reality hits is always a quiet one.
I saw The Killers in Las Vegas, it was a warm night and they played When You Were Young and I felt your presence. I fought a lump in my throat through the whole song. I could hear your voice in my head singing so loud and so clear, my skin felt prickly. Were you watching me in that space and time?
A year and two days ago you walked away from a place of fear and darkness and went home to God. I wouldn’t find out for another three days because it took that long to positively identify you. I remember the moment so vividly when I got the call and the moments that followed. What makes me so sad is that I can’t clearly remember the last time that I saw you, and I know it had been a long time.
I miss you.
I’m going to write for five minutes every day. Starting today.
Last night was my first class of the semester. I’m taking computing and I was one of two girls in the class. I laughed out loud when one of the guys was visibly disappointed that I wasn’t going into programming and am only taking the class as a prerequisite.
I learned about binary, hexadecimals, solid storage, optical storage, portable storage, RAM, ROM, etc. After one class I feel like I have a basic understanding of how a computer works. I never thought I would care about binary (I’m married to an engineer, and trust me, he has explained binary many times) but learning the difference between analog and digital was interesting. I now understand how CD technology works. Essentially the disc is read by a laser, and the shiny side of the disc has lands and pits, and as the laser hits these lands and pits it reads binary which is translated into usable data. Cool beans.
Actually, I loved the whole class. I was genuinely interested in the technology and how it has changed and evolved.
I wonder if I had been exposed to any of this earlier in my life if it would have changed my path. I think I would be an excellent programmer. I can follow logic, I’m creative, and I enjoy problem solving. I like creating instructions. I am feeling inspired after one class. I hope the rest of the semester is an engaging.
Oh, I kind of love my instructor’s lame jokes. I’m the only one who laughs at them, though. I must be new at this.